Knowing Your Boundaries

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Co-dependent thinking:

I see your mad and it must be my fault

By giving into thinking your at fault for making your partner upset will only bring harm to yourself and your relationship. By giving in you are allowing your partner to think that it is okay to toxify your day until you make up/apologize to them for something you shouldn’t even be sorry for.

Boundary led thinking:

I see your mad, do you want to talk later?

Acknowledging your partners feelings and by giving them the option to talk later you are effortlessly setting up boundaries for yourself. This way your partner is only allowed to self reflect into their own feelings. If they show an inability to express them respectfully or say that you are the cause of them is not a healthy way to lead a relationship.

Moral: Don’t allow someone to use you as a pedastool or a punching bag and then have to apologize for it later.

Co-dependent thinking:

I will help you now ( and wrestle with my needs, resentment and exhaustion later.)

When you open up your precious schedule to help someone so easily with out considering your own troubles you set yourself up to become exhausted and resentful. You can find yourself failing in life if you are constantly neglecting your own needs.

Boundary led thinking:

I want to help you but I have limits.

This statement can come off a little offensive but as long as you explain to your partner the things that may limit you from being the most helpful loving partner you are, you must express that and if they can’t respect that you have a life too then that would only be their problem.

Moral: Always being available to your partner is unhealthy in a relationship. You never want to be fully dependent on your partner visa versa. Soon resentment can very easily sneak in and then you can become exhausted and even more so frustrated because your own needs aren’t being met.

Co-dependent thinking:

How can I fix or save you?

Fixing a copy machine is way easier than fixing another human being. Saving should only be for your bank account. You are not Super Man or Wonder Woman.

Boundary led thinking:

I will sit in this discomfort with you.

By acknowledging again, that you see that your partner is in discomfort or distress and then offering your support you are telling your partner that you care for them, and even though times are stressful you are still there for them. This will open their eyes to how loyal and compassionate you are in spite of hardship.

Moral: You should not feel pressured to fix or save anyone besides yourself, dealing with your own hardships and emotions are challenging enough. No matter how hard you feel obligated into making a situation better, you are not capable of fixing and saving everyone. Just don’t set yourself up to be responsible, because many things are out of your control.

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Co-dependent thinking:

I don’t want to risk losing or upsetting you, so I’ll stuff my feelings.

Being in fear that you will lose your partner because you are afraid to upset them by expressing your feelings is ridiculously walking on egg shells. Is it too much to ask for to have a partner easy to communicate with?

Boundary led thinking:

I can respect your feelings, and still honor my own.

This is acknowledgement, and relationships cant work without being receptive to each others feelings and emotions. When you don’t agree then you can make light out of the situation by agreeing to disagree, and that is OKAY!

Moral: Don’t let your partner think its not okay to agree on something. To every problem there is a solution and even if the solution is to split because of not being on the same page well, that is okay too. Breaking up isn’t easy, I know. But staying in a toxic non respectful, no boundary set relationship is tougher.

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